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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here. Thanks. How do I talk to him about this? It's an emerging pattern. How do I talk to a person who doesn't see what's wrong and is also likely to rebuke me as being irrational/selfish/not taking his feelings seriously?[/quote]

You’re going to have to stay very calm and curious, even in the face of ridiculous statements by him.

“Can you say more about that?”
“What’s making you say that?”

And then paraphrase without a scintilla of judgement in your voice. 
“So you believe that I purposely left the cup on the counter because I don’t care about anything here. Is that what you think?”

I think you need to stay in this calm place of curiosity and just listening. And then in a moment where you’re not caught up in an argument, you can bring up the pattern and ask what’s going on. You can share your concern: “This isn’t like you. What’s going on?”

Is he having an affair? It’s common to lash out at a partner to make them the enemy and thereby justify their having an affair. Be ready for that. [/quote]

Thanks, this is very helpful. We have been married 14 years. I don't suspect an affair at all. We are financially stressed and have been for 5-6 years. I think it's coming to a head. [/quote]

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