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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You need to put up boundaries of unless you complete a residential treatment, IOP, OP and are in continued care and at least 6 months sober, you are not welcome.

By even considering him coming home without that is him winning the battle of manipulation.

You need to be prepared and accept that someday you might get that phone call you dread and [b]you have to be ok with that.  [/b]

[/quote]

This is mostly good advice but no, she doesn't have to be "ok" with getting that phone call. She is a human being and she has human emotions of her own. She can be scared as hell of it, hate the idea of it, violently opposed to it and still she can execute on not letting this adult come back and live in her home. [/quote]

Being scared of the call and accepting that he is killing himself are two different things.  He is killing himself, as a parent who has a child in recovery, you have to know that at anytime this call can happen and you also have to be able to say, I did everything I could to help. Everything you can do to help does not include living without boundaries.   It doesn't mean throwing countless dollars at the problem, it means setting the boundaries that force them to make the right choice.  Sometimes they don't.

That is something you learn along this journey.  What you are proposing is not going to get him into a recovery program.  It's going to let him know that he always has her ear, always has a chance she will allow him back in because you don't want that phone call.

He will only get well if he wants to get well, right now, he doesn't seem to want to get well.

OP -it's not easy but that boundary is the only one that got our kids attention and after 3 other failed attempts at recovery (residential, IOP, PHP) they are doing well today.  We often speak and go to events on this issue, the people in recovery will tell you, until they had no other options, they were going to use.  Once they realized they lost everything they got the help they needed.  Some never do sadly.

Talk to friends and family about this, you will be surprised how many of us think we need to go on this journey alone.

It's the hardest thing you will ever do unless he doesn't get the help he needs.  [/quote]

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