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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom has an avoidance of doctors and medical care (also to my detriment when I was a kid). She left high cholesterol and blood pressure undiagnosed and untreated for decades (she is thin, no diabetes etc so maybe didn’t think of it). She never did an annual until she was 73 and my sister and I literally forced her, yelled at her, for months. Then no property follow up, and now had a stroke, discovered in an MRI which I was able to force her to take. Vascular dementia after I literally dragged her to the neurologist. So now I wonder: am I to blame, do I bear the guilt of not having yelled, forced, dragged before? I tried to make her go since 2019, but wasn’t that forceful about it (only somewhat but not enough, apparently). So now I wonder if I am guilty of neglecting her or if it was her individual decision that was to be respected? My sister is of the latter opinion but in light of this, I think she’s questioning herself a bit.[/quote]

You cannot force anything to do anything. All you can do is express concern and not enable. She made these decisions of sound mind and is not facing consequences.

I have a sibling who doesn't take care of her health. Every minor thing turns into something major. We expressed our concern and pushed and it got to the point I think she was addicted to the dramatics and attention. She has burned through so many family members and friends who tried to help her recover from surgeries, etc and had nothing left to give when the next ignored issue exploded. Everyone has pulled away and made it clear she needs to take charge of her health. This is not blaming the victim. This is forcing her to stop playing the victim. Even her doctors of made it clear just about everything could have minor with prevention. We're not talking about something complicated not losing enough weight where there are genetic components and chemicals in the environment and other things at play. We are talking about things like refusing a minor procedure and 8 years later it's a dangerous major surgery and she expects people to upend their lives to be there for her.[/quote]

I feel like I could have made the appointment and made her go with me. Now she does it when I make the appointment. But 10 years ago l, when the changes must have surely been occurring and compounding damage started, she probably would have yelled at me that I should leave her alone and not gone. Even as late as 2019, she refused to do a regular check up. She could have had 5 additional good years, maybe more? [/quote]

5 more years of crap years? Not worth it. [/quote]

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