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[quote=Anonymous]Hi all,
I live in NOVA. My parents are a five hour drive away. I have an 8 year old child and his father lives far away and sees him infrequently.

My mom has a new breast cancer dx.  Following her lumpectomy we found out there is lymph node involvement and she will be doing chemo and radiation.

Here are the problems.  My father is in his 80s and so difficult and demanding.  He’s mobile and sound of mind but lots of mobility issues and now getting hard of hearing, and also has anxiety. He has made my mom’s cancer all about him.  I know it’s rocking his world and he just needs someone to talk to but I’m not that person.  He’s from another culture and wants to be waited in and catered to and adored, and I can’t do it.  He’s high maintenance when sober and after his evening cocktail he’s incredibly irritating and needy.

Due to my child’s father living far away, during the school year I am my son’s sole caregiver.  My mom will start chemo in the fall and 1) she needs someone to support her and 2) someone needs to cater to my father or his anxiety will be even more toxic and stressful for my mom.

My brother lives on the west coast. He might be able to help out but he’s struggling bc his job is not at all flexible- he has a ton of expenses and his wife was dx bipolar and can’t work. They have a middle schooler.

Financially, the are still working. They run a small mom and pop business selling luxury goods, and I’m so paranoid sometimes that someone will see how fragile they are and rob them.  They earn a pittance and sometimes take a loss.  They have a nice amount of home equity and live in a home that is beautiful but unsafe for them due to the stairs. They have a few hundred k in savings and a mortgage.

I’ve set them up to meet an attorney to do their estate and Medicaid planning.

I need a plan to get mom through chemo and figure out how to deal with dad management.  And I need a longer term plan to get them into a better living situation and get them out of their retail business.

I wfh so can work anywhere. I have space for them in my home and so does my brother. With my child’s father leaving, my brother occupied with his own troubles, and my father just useless, I can feel my mom’s worry and sadness that this is all coming down on me. She has amazing friends and a very strong community of friends but no other family.  [/quote]

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