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[quote=Anonymous]We live in DC, and my mother in law and father in law, who are in their late 70s, live in a pretty remote part of New England. They are getting to the point where they cannot live alone, as mother in law has early alzheimer's and father in law has many difficult physical ailments. Fortunately, they have saved very well for retirement.

The logical choice was to get them into an assisted living situation near us, as my husband only has one sibling, a sister who lives in a very rural area out west. She and her husband live on the fringe and have four kids. They have the "money doesn't matter" philosophy, but repeatedly go to our in-laws for $10k "loans" that they never pay back. Their kids are basically neglected. They've had multiple foreclosures. They never hold a job. They dismiss us as being uptight DC people who care too much about money. The relationship between my sister in law and husband is lukewarm at best, but she's my husband's only sister so he tries not to blow everything up.

Just as we start looking for assisted living, sister in law decides to plant the idea that in-laws move in with her, so they don't have to spend money on assisted living. Sister in law lives about three hours away from the closest hospital, and there is no medical care. In-laws have various treatments with their current doctors that they just couldn't continue there because they don't have any doctors. There is also absolutely no one around other than my sister in law and her family. It's clear to me (and to a less extent my husband) that they are doing this to get money from my in-laws - either by preserving the money for a large inheritance, or by charging them rent. Sister in law has really worked on my mother in law by telling her how peaceful it is and it's so much better than being in a suburban environment.

I just don't know what to do. My husband did just get financial and healthcare power of attorney for both of them, so we have visibility into their accounts - that is how we saw the many payments to sister in law. This is tearing my husband apart because he knows this is not the right thing to be doing with elderly people who have serious medical issues. But it's his only family, so he doesn't know how to address this without totally alienating everyone. I'm a bit more outspoken than he is so I am quite tempted to advocate for him, but I also know that this is ultimately his decision. Wondering if anyone else has been in a situation like this and what they've done. [/quote]

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