Reply to Dealing with the sadness/anger

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s like dealing with kids. They make their mistakes, just like you did when they were raising you. I’m sure they forgave you and let it go. I hope you do too.

People never feel their age until the wheels come off like it did in this case. [/quote]

I disagree. (not op). You decide to have kids you need to raise them. Kid's mistakes are nothing like the massive mistakes our parents make that make us rob our own children of our time and attention as we deal with the parent's challenging behavior. Also, I had a rage-a-haulic parent. She couldn't cope with our minor age-appropriate mistakes at all. If I took her approach it would be considered elder abuse.

OP, even if your parents were amazing growing up, you have a right to feel sad, angry, resentful, frustrated. Don't let anyone shame you out of her feelings or make you feel like this is anything like raising an innocent child. It's good you have boundaries. I just focus on managing my anger so I don't take it out on elder (even when elder lashes out), using elder's money to pay for qualified professionals and doing my best to keep my elder safe, while accepting I also have to respect her wishes to remain in an unsafe house that cannot be further elder-proofed.[/quote]

Elderly parents robbing us of time with our kids is a very real thing. I have also seen that our parents often did not sacrifice themselves for their parents, but expect it from our generation. Don't know what to make of that.[/quote]

[b]Because people did not live as long.[/b] Most of our parents lost their parents when we were younger. And people didn't move into nursing homes until they really really had to. There are so many threads on people being angry at their parents for not wanting to go into assisted living. I urged my parents not to go into assisted living. It's awful. Please read Being Mortal to understand how most assisted living facilities are run wrong--mostly because of the litigious society we live in. Also, why do you feel you have to jump into your parents' mess? They made their choice, they just have to be fine with the consequences. There's nothing wrong with wanting to live the end of the life the way you want to, even if it means you fall and nobody finds you for 5 days. You die that way, it's still better than wasting away in a "skilled" nursing facility. [/quote]

That’s not true in every family. The generation before my parents generally lived longer than my parents generation. It’s a peculiarity where I am from, but my aunt, uncle, dad all died many years younger than their parents. And none of them cared for their elderly parents.[/quote]

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