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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Mine rebukes any conversation/offer about getting stuff for the year or the dorm - they leave in a week. Hasn't even let us know about move in window (which we know from school has been assigned but we didn't ask based on other reactions).

Needs essentially everything. I bought sheets but otherwise staying out of it - should be interesting! [/quote]

I would be really worried. He could just be taking a minimalist approach to packing, which is very smart, or he could have a little mild separation anxiety, but he could also be seriously depressed or just not want to go to college.

Chances are you can still get the tuition money back.

If you have a lot of money, let nature take its course.

If you’re not rich, find the school’s full, partial and medical withdrawal deadlines. I’d tell your son that it’s fine if he takes a minimalist approach to packing, but that college is too expensive for you to gamble on whether he’s going to try to do well in college.

Ask him whether he actually wants to go to college.

If not, talk to him about his plans for doing something else. Tell him about whatever limits there will be on your support.

If he does want to go, ask him for some sign you can use before the various refund deadlines to know that he’s reasonably on track and that it’s worth letting the college keep the tuition money. But be practical. If he tries engineering and can’t cut it, make it clear that you’ll pay for him to major in something he can handle, and that he should use jobs and activities to prepare for work, rather than his major. And, if possible, try to get him into a telecounseling program. See if there’s a way to pay a tutor to support him, help him stay organized and talk to you if something is seriously wrong.

If he just isn’t responsive or isn’t realistic when he responds, tell him that you’re going to proceed as if he has serious health problems and try to arrange for a health-related enrollment referral.

In that case, start by taking him to the doctor for a really good checkup, and look for things like thyroid problems, long COVID and major depression, then ask professionals for their advice. [/quote]

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