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[quote=Anonymous]I just got back from a trip to check in on my aging parents.  They are both declining in different ways - one is virtually immobile and the other is so angry that I am wondering if it is early dementia.  The immobile one is obviously depressed, doesn't have much to say or seem to want company, won't accept suggestions for how to make life better.  The angry one just follows me around venting about my other parent - what a horrible person he is, how he's emotionally abusive, etc.  There is slight truth to some of it, but mostly it is spiraling thoughts.  Mom is from the generation that believes that sharing problems outside of the family isn't right.  She is charming and light with her friends and my brother.  But I get the full toxic dump every time we are on the phone or in person.  It has been like this for 30 years but it has gotten worse.  I have tried to set boundaries and explain to her how hurtful it is for her to share such personal, negative things with me about my dad, but she just tells me I'm selfish and that she has no one else to talk to.

On the other hand, I have been through several tough years with my own kids, and they are all doing well now, but I have been on the receiving end (rightfully so) of their angst.

I have health issues myself and don't feel like I have the bandwidth to endure my parents' problems (and behavior), but I am all they have.  I also am sad for them that their lives have come to this.  I don't feel like it is realistic to think they are going to change a lifetime of unhealthy patterns (both had abusive parents, themselves) so that's another sadness.  It is like I've seen the ghost of the future, though, and it motivates me to work on my marriage and maintain healthy, respectful relationships with my adult children.

But for now, I need to figure out how to help my parents while protecting myself.  Ideas?  Anyone else feel like this?[/quote]

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