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[quote=Anonymous]My mother and her husband - both recently retired, late 60s - dropped the bombshell that they are thinking of selling their dream retirement home that they just finished renovating to move to a 55+ community outside of Vegas. They have no friends, no family, and no support network in Vegas. Their health is OK, but the decline is starting. They have made multiple trips to NV and AZ in recent months to look at properties (unbeknownst to us). Recent conversations with my mother about the move have felt....manic.

A few things at play:
-They live in a high income beach community. Crime and homelessness are more prevalent than when they first moved in about 7 years ago, but has improved since the pandemic. They have lots of family support + grandkids nearby. No inventory and renovated homes are selling for $2m+. They put in a ton of sweat equity in the past 5 years and have an incredible home for retirement (walkable neighborhood, manageable size, newly renovated).
-Mother obsessively reads NextDoor and worries about every nuisance crime - catalytic converter theft, someone spotted on Ring camera stealing a package, drunk driver hit some parked cars, etc. She can't stop talking about crime.
-Recently told by my step-sister that my mother obsessively listens to the Sheriff police scanner online every night.
-Mother's anxiety is through the roof. About 4 months ago, there was a random shooting on a busy day at the nearby family-friendly beach. A homeless man randomly accosted a father and his son, shooting the father in the hand. Police were all over it within 30 seconds, but my mother was 200 feet away from shooting, heard it, and saw the panic of people running + the wife of the man screaming "they shot my husband!" Still, shootings are very rare in their community.
-Mentally, we are noticing some slippage - she repeats the same things (forgetting she already told us), had a fugue state episode 18 months ago (went to Wal-Mart for three hours, bought a bunch of stuff and didn't remember any of it)
-Has trouble hearing, but won't get hearing aids
-Step-father minimizes when it comes to medical care - "you don't need hearing aids" "you don't need therapy" "oh the black-out wasn't that bad" etc. He neglects his own health and we are seriously worried that his attitude is rubbing off on her.

All us adult kids on both sides of the family have coordinated to encourage them to rent a home in Vegas to test-drive a move. They've promised to not make any rash decisions and my mother seems a bit less manic now that they are leaning toward renting this winter. We told them that if they sell the house, they will never be able to live near the beach again. They have a 3% mortgage - as retirees they will likely never qualify for a mortgage again. We also expressed concerns about their health needs and our availability - i.e., we all have young kids and can't get to Vegas at the drop of a hat if there's an issue.

My issue right now is dealing with my mother's anxiety + step-dad's encouraging behavior. They feed off negative information, such that they are willing to make a monumentally disastrous financial decision based on crap they are reading online. The crime rate of their area is one-quarter of what we are dealing with in DC. They have a perfect one level house for retirement with lots of friends and family within a 60 min drive.

How are people dealing with this? My mother could use a therapist, plus some Xanax. She's a people pleaser who has been through a lot in life. [/quote]

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