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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP i TOTALLY get this. In every way. 
Part of the pain for me is that I never would have chosen this — it is bad luck, and for sure, that absolutely has led to feelings of jealous/envy/emptiness. 
I don’t want to be a person who had to detach from their family of origin. I want to be someone who has brunch with their mom; someone who sends a fun bday gift to a sibling; someone who brings the homemade cranberry sauce to thanksgiving. I know other families aren’t perfect and I don’t idealize … but it’s that for me, the gap is SO big. I will never come even close to anything I just listed. I have relatives who I’d have to call the police on if they ever came to my house again. Relatives who are blocked on my phone. People who aren’t from families like this have NO idea. [/quote]

OP here. Thank you for this -- I feel seen. I know exactly what you mean. I know other families have their own issues, I don't assume it's sunshine and roses.

If you have seen the Thanksgiving episode of the Bear, I think that's a pretty good representation of the kinds of conflict and stress in my family (actually my spouse's family, too, which is hard). Not that fever pitch all the time, but those kinds of dynamics where you have multiple family members just operating so dysfunctionally that the entire dynamic kind of hinges on trying to keep them from getting manic, incredibly depressed, suicidal, using drugs/alcohol, or interacting with someone or something known to trigger one of the above. It's not "we have some issues," its "we have issues and ZERO ability to resolve or address them because so few members of the family have enough emotional regulation, self-awareness, or communication skills to do that."

Anyway. Hugs. I know what it's like and it's HARD.[/quote]

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