Reply to Coming to Terms with Smaller Family-ASD

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[quote=Anonymous]I also always imagined a big family - certainly at least three kids.  But it took us a long time to get pregnant, our oldest has adhd and our youngest is autistic, and neither one sleep well for many years.  Those early years pushed us to the edge, and at various time when we might have tried for a third, I always had a strong feeling that one more child might break us.  I still think that's probably true, even know that my youngest is 8, and we are also too old to try for more anyway.

I mourned that realization for a long time, considered it a reflection of my and my husbands "weakness," and sometimes felt jealous of large, happy, go-with-the-flow families.  I've found my peace with it, but I'm not sure how.  One thing that I think helped was realizing that my desire for a third was also an expression of unmet needs or expectations in my life.  OP, you mention the idea that a sibling might be a companion for your child - but that's not a guarantee.  This hypothetical child could be resentful of their older sibling, or have their own different and conflicting needs, or....on and on. Reframing my desire for more kids as unmet needs helped me think of other ways to meet those needs for myself and my kids.

Please be gentle with yourself, OP.  You are doing your best with a tough hand, and that is good enough![/quote]

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