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[quote=Anonymous]I don't know how to handle this.  MIL is a tiny woman, but sometimes a wolf in sheeps clothing if you will.  She can be very cold, nasty, clannish, exclusionary and sharp without making a big deal of it; almost in a shocking manner.  She is usually nice enough, but one thing she does many of us have started to comment on.  She occasionally (a couple times per year) tries to get the clan together, but is then intentionally unprepared.  For example, there will be sixteen people at an event and she will make enough food for ten.  This happens each and every time.  It is not a matter of money, she is fine with money.  It would not be a big deal, but some of us have small children and barely get to eat as it is, so when we plan meals the meals are very deliberate (so the kids don't go to bed hungry and it doesn't throw everything off completely for the week).  Honestly, I don't even care what the children eat as long as it is meal like (not snack like - no, I'm not an organic freak or anything).  It occurred to me she can be a passive aggressive control freak about the oddest things - food as a particular example: "*I* eat this much so *YOU* will eat this much.  It never works out and the guests run into each other at the McDonalds drive through on the way home, our kids screaming from being hungry and tired at that point.  I fully understand we could host, bring food, whatever it takes. I have learned to not let it bother me, and have considered bringing food for my children, but am left wondering - would you be bothered?   These are sometimes impromptu events she initiates, is it wrong to expect her to be a little closer with her estimation?  We don't expect an elaborate spread, just enough of the basics (burgers or whatever is being served).  Everyone seems perplexed.  If we brought it up to her, her nature would be to become defensive and in denial.  Is bringing our own food too much?  The adults don't care about themselves as much as the kids.  Sometimes she puts one or two bottles of wine out for 10 adults, then its gone.  I am not a drinker, so it doesn't matter to me, but there are some drinkers in the family that find this an issue as well.  Does she really not want any of us there?  It feels like that is what she is trying to say.  Sorry for the long post, I just find it perplexing and am wondering if anyone has a family member like this.  I know she grew up poor (she is far from poor now), if that matters.   [/quote]

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