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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mother was similar - only wanted help on her terms. Refused to help us help her. It was a little better because dad was with her, but he was exhausted by her antics and couldn’t help much as he was old too. She ended up dying basically alone, refusing to get help and with my dad kind of being about of it and not realizing she was about to go. 
Do I feel bad about it? Not really. I am sad it had to be that way, but she brought it on herself. My dad is much more cooperative and has agreed to move closer to us. 
But the bottom line is: some people self sabotage and there is little you can do. Even if you moved to be with her, she would refuse all the sensible offers and demand you do what she tells you to do even if it didn’t make sense to you or to most people. 
[b]You need to decide how much help you can give without ruining your own life and stick to it. Don’t let guilt consume you because it’s not your fault your mother is making life hard for herself and for you.[/b] [/quote]

+1 My DH went through something similar with his parents. He tried to help, flew out several times, gave advice but his mother was adamant in her ways. Then COVID hit, both of his parents health deteriorated and they eventually had to do what my DH told them but in much tougher circumstances and alot of lost money. He just had to step away at a certain point and focus on his own life.[/quote]

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