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[quote=Anonymous]How do you keep your own life intact when your parents are across the country and the sh-t starts to hit the fan?

I need practical advice and maybe commiseration. It’s just my mom left and she’s refused for years to leave her house in a faraway part of the country for either something smaller, senior housing, or something near me. She’s apparently hidden health problems for years and now it’s all blown up. She has a huge house that’s in ok repair but too out of date to put on the market easily, and she needs to get out due to the health problems. I don’t think she can be completely on her own but she isn’t quite in assisted living territory Somehow I need to convince her to move here or move somewhere close to her, but she’s refused for years so it will be a fire drill. Her plan was apparently that I would permanently move back and help her.

Either way, I literally do not have time for this. For many years I asked her to put together a plan for relocation or downsizing and gave her clear times of year and time spans when I would be able to easily fly out to assist her. Now is NOT one of those time- my DH’s career has current priority in terms of his travel and on-call times, so I am primarily responsible for our child + my job. I refuse to sacrifice my kid’s school life and extracurriculars by uprooting her temporarily and am not in a position to hire a nanny for months on end so I can temporarily live out of state to deal with my mom’s mess. I have a sibling, but don’t expect any help from them.

I read about all of these families that put together a plan an executed it with mild disruption and argument. What do you do about your obligations to your nuclear family when your parents stick you with out-of-state messes?
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