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[quote=Anonymous]TLDR:  Yes, I've stopped trying and, instead, plan for myself.

Yes!  I know exactly how you feel - I've got 3 kids (17-20) and was so hurt/frustrated/fed up that I stopped planning things.  The last straw was asking them 2 months in advance if they'd like to see a really cool hip hop art exhibition in Baltimore.  Everyone said, 'sure'.  So, I put it on the calendar, sent everyone an invite via Google Calendar and bought tickets. I also set reminders to pop up so they wouldn't forget.  The day before, I give a verbal reminder and 2 of the kids start yelling that they've got work/plans/etc. and that they can't possibly go. They weren't even apologetic.  It was more like they'd been put upon and were annoyed that I was expecting them to do this. I was really hurt but, surprisingly, calm when I reminded them they had agreed to go, they'd gotten reminders and asked if they would do to their friends what they'd just done to me - how would they feel if what they'd done to me had been done to them.  I cancelled the outing and told them I wouldn't be planning any more.

This was just the last example, there are others were I don't even get a 'thanks, mom' for arranging, and paying for, an outing.  I get that kids aren't always as polite with parents and don't always feel the need to regulate their emotions.  Yet, my kids are old enough to do better.  By all accounts, they're really polite, engaging and great to be around - they just spent a week with my family in another states by themselves. They know how to do this.  My DH isn't any better unless I remind/fish for thanks.  I feel taken advantage of and/or not valued so I'm not doing it any more.  Instead, I'm going off by myself and doing it or doing it with friends.  It's not my ideal but I'm responsible for my feelings and this is what's best for me. 
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