Reply to Maintaining relationship with sister who won’t help

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My sister might write this.

Here’s the thing - she’s inefficient, histrionic and handles things completely differently than I would.  Sister doesn’t know this but early on I let my mother know if I was not the ultimate decision-maker where I could choose to consult with sister where I felt appropriate, I would not be involved with my mother’s care.  I’d happily pay for and handle 100 percent in that instance.

My mom never put the paperwork in place.  So that’s that and now it’s their problem. I’ll visit and I’m nice, but I don’t do a damn thing when it comes to elder care.[/quote]

So you're punishing your mom for your sister's behavior?  Or because mom didn't obey your demand to be solely in charge?[/quote]

I’m maintaining the boundaries I clearly set.  It’s not about punishment.  They aren’t 6 year olds hitting people.[/quote]

This. I am the youngest sister (my two other sisters died in the last 5 years in their mid and late 40s). By default, my parents gave the oldest sister POA. She makes horrible decisions, is histrionic, yet completely ineffective. As soon as my father died and my mother was ruled to have moderate dementia, she took over my mother's finances and wrote $16,000 checks from my mother's account to herself, me, her kids, and my kids, despite my objections. She hasn't worked in almost 30 years, yet almost never visits and expects me, while still working full-time with two teenagers, to make the 3-hour-drive to do things for my mom in the assisted living facility, because she spends 6 months a year at her vacation home in the south. I am sure she tells a similar story as OP: My younger sister thinks she doesn't have to help with my mom because she still has a job. Question OP: why did anybody have to go running to your mother for a UTI? She's in a facility. Presumably, they had it handled. Why did your sister need to drop everything to go there? Just because you felt guilty for being away? [/quote]

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