Reply to DS22's girlfriend is over ALL. THE. TIME.

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[quote=Anonymous]DS22 is on the spectrum, very high functioning. He and his gf22 are both in college, where they met. Both live at home.

Except it seems like they both live in our home. She doesn't spend the night--I had to set that boundary early on, or she would definitely have moved in by now--and she doesn't drive (no license). During the summer, DS has been driving 40 mins each way at least 5:times a week, and she's usually here for at least 12 hours. He doesn't drive her home until well after midnight, and on the days he is home for dinner, she's always here too. He says her family is very dysfunctional and she doesn't like to be there. Ok, I'm sorry to hear that, but why does that mean she has to be here ALL THE TIME?

In contrast, his younger brother's gf is over maybe twice a month, and never for more than an afternoon or evening. You know, like a normal guest?

Today all 4 of them took a day trip. He got up at 7 to go pick her up, while his brother's gf drove herself to our house. The trip was a few hours each way and they were out for 12 hours or so. When they got back, his brother's gf came in briefly to bring stuff in and then went home. Meanwhile, DS22 and his gf came in and started a movie, despite my strong hints about what a long day they have had and how they probably want to get going.

I've tried multiple ways to explain that guests aren't residents. When I ask that he drive her home by 1 a.m., he says I'm "being annoying for no reason." Because he's on the spectrum--and because he's 22, technically an "adult"--he has very little consideration for other perspectives. I tell him if he wants to be treated like an adult, he needs to start acting like one--for starters, paying rent, getting a job, maybe graduating from and paying for college (he has at least 2 years left). He pays for his car repairs, maintenance, and insurance, but that's it.

Yes, his father lives here too, but is pathologically avoidant so it's always been up to me to hold the kids to any kind of expectations, standards, house rules, etc.

Yes, I like her fine. It's not about her -- I just think it's weird for ANYONE who doesn't live here to be here 60-80 hours a week, and I'm not comfortable with it. Any constructive advice?[/quote]

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