Reply to If Your Spouse is Ugly / Funny Looking

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[quote=Anonymous]
I think you're actually letting yourself get distracted by the issue of his looks, OP. It's probably easier to focus on that than to let yourself dig deeper into the fact that you feel his personality is not what you let yourself believe it was for so long. And (I'm going to be blunt here), you need to ask yourself and answer honestly--maybe you also married him as a way to show the world, and prove to yourself on some level, that you were Not A Shallow Person and you See Past Exteriors. I'm not saying you are shallow, not at all! I'm just saying you might need to step back and assess frankly whether that might have been a motivation, though likely one you didn't fully realize you even had. And it'll be hard to accept, if it's true.

But all that aside: You're letting the looks issue get ahead of the real, bigger issue: You don't like the personality you married, plus the personality is coming out much more now that you have an SN child.

There is a lot to unpack with this relationship and your feelings about him, and his looks complicate what otherwise might be a more straightforward "he's not the person I thought he was" issue. Right now it can be difficult to find a therapist who is taking any new patients, but your situation truly calls for professional outside help to ask you some very tough questions and help you figure out whether there is a salvageable marriage here. You will get a LOT of knee-jerk "just divorce him" posts on this site but we don't know you, or him. I would say, get individual therapy for you ASAP, even if you have to go outside insurance for a while and pay privately, because you need to sort through more than just "he's distant with our kid" here. [/quote]

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