Reply to S/O Losing respect for friend who is on her second (that I know of) affair

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Reply to "S/O Losing respect for friend who is on her second (that I know of) affair"

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[quote=Anonymous]If I were you, I would distance myself from the relationship. From my own experience, part of the titillation of having an affair is sharing it with someone else and reliving it by talking to a confidant. If she was expressing any kind of remorse for her actions, actively working on repairing her relationship with her husband, or divorcing him, I would probably stay in contact with her if we were close, long-time friends and this happened only once. However, the fact that she's a serial cheater who seemingly has no empathy and no interest in improving her situation--other than the excitement of the affairs--leads me to believe that you're also being manipulated by her. You're her sounding board and the means by which she gets to re-experience her affairs, over and over.

I had an affair over ten years ago, and it was the catalyst for my divorce (no children), although, not the sole reason. My ex-husband and I saw a therapist as a couple and individually. Even though we chose to divorce, the therapy helped both of us, and we're better marital partners for our second spouses. I was truly troubled by my infidelity, and therapy taught me to recognize my vulnerabilities and patterns, so I would not repeat the behavior.

While you're certainly not required to, if you're interested in helping her and her family, be honest with her and advise her to seek professional help for the welfare of all involved. Her actions, whether her husband knows about the affairs or not, could potentially devastate her children. If her response demonstrates that she's not interested in improving her life and protecting the emotional well-being of her children, I would stay away from her. Really, you don't need that kind of secret tainting your own life. It's a burden and not one you need to carry.

Good luck. [/quote]

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