Reply to NYT article about talking to people with dementia

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[quote=Anonymous]Hope there are some gerontologists and others who routinely read this forum as some PPs here are making some critical observations about the lack of laypersons' literature, etc on how to relate to loved ones, relatives who are aggressive and hostile, especially ones who may have been that way over the arc of their lives. It's really hard.

In my family's case, our dad was the kindest guy, gracious to all. He did, however, not like pain. Alas, he broke his hip and never recovered to walk again. He would growl and snap at the nurses and aides when they need to adjust him in bed, move him for his shower, etc. I spent a fair amount of time sharing this with the staff on his floor, "You know, if my dad were cognizant, he would be mortified to know that he just snapped at you. He always had a kind word for anyone and inspired his children to be the same." This usually opened up to conversations about their own relatives, etc. I hoped it helped both them and for his care.

Our mom, OTOH, had a short fuse and probably a BPD as per my shrink in my younger years. This really only lessened, though didn't cease, when she entered memory care. Yes, she could still be ferocious, but the staff were great at keeping her isolated from any residents who were triggers and vice versa. This did help us as those last years were more pleasant with her.

All that said, books, lectures, podcasts, etc on how to manage aggressive dementia patients would be wildly appreciated.

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