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[quote=Anonymous]My BFF and I are each single parents with one child.  We're both godmothers to the other's child.  Both girls are teenagers, but her daughter is several years older than mine.  Her daughter has significant language and learning issues, but is doing well in a private special ed school.  She's a wonderful young woman, and she has worked so hard and come so far! Unfortunately, although I'd love to see my goddaughter a lot and be part of her life, she lives on the opposite coast.  So, i's been a couple years since I've seen her, or since my BFF has seen my daughter.

I'm not one to brag about my child, but I'm even more careful with her.  I'll call to celebrate if my daughter does something non-academic.  For example, I'll send her a picture of a choir concert, and she'll send me a picture of her daughter's art show, but I wouldn't call with an academic achievement, even though I certainly celebrate with her as her daughter learns and reaches academic milestones, such as passing a key course for graduation.  I also call her for parenting advice sometimes, because I trust her judgement and think she's a wonderful mother. And of course, since she's my best friend I also call for non-kid things like to talk about an actor we both admire or vent about my boss.

Yesterday, I called her to chat, and in the course of talking, I told her about an incident that had happened that day.  The incident isn't important to tell here, but it happened when my child was on the metro unaccompanied.  It was probably clear from the way I told the story that she's on the metro all the time, going various places, and that I no longer really worry about her doing so because it's part of her routine.  My friend seemed a little surprised, but then commented that when you haven't a kid for a few years, it's hard to imagine them growing up.  I agreed that that is certainly true!

After I told my story, my friend got quiet.  She said she wanted to tell me a story.  She did, and the story was about how her daughter walked to MacDonald's by herself.  It was clearly the first time she'd taken this step on her own. I got the feeling she had been planning to tell me how proud she was of her daughter.  This is a big step for any kid, and even bigger for her kid, and I totally get how proud she was.  However, I was also surprised, just like it hadn't occurred to my friend that my child had taken this step, it hadn't really occurred to me that hers hadn't.  Anyway, after she heard my story, she turned hers into more of a self deprecating story about how silly she was to worry so much.  With my story "in her face" I think that her feelings changed from pride to being aware of how far behind her daughter is, and worrying about what this meant for the future.  I felt awful that I had ruined a moment that should have been special for her.

In addition to feeling awful, I feel torn.  Part of me wants to walk on eggshells to avoid hurting her.  Another part of me realizes that our friendship depends on the ability for us to share.  I know I value hearing about her life and picturing my goddaughter growing up.  I assume she feels the same way.  If I avoid talking about major portions of our life, it would seem odd.

I guess I'm wondering if others can tell me where they'd like the line to be drawn.  When would you rather friends kept things to themselves, and what would you rather they shared?  [/quote]

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