Reply to People with good parents/nice childhoods who are selfish, unkind, unempathetic?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How does this happen? I have encountered several people like this. Very loving families, would themselves describe their parents and families as loving, supportive, and functional and also it looks that way via observation. No childhood trauma or evidence of abuse/neglect. Continued support into adulthood.

But then they are jerks. Or have the capacity to be jerks in certain circumstances where it's surprising to see it come out. I know several women with this background, for instance, who are total "mean girl" gossips -- spread nasty rumors about women they claim they are friends with, can be very selfish with their time, demand attention and can be petty or cruel if they don't feel they get it.

How does this happen? I thought good parenting was supposed to address behaviors like this. Were they too doted on? Favorite daughters whose behavior didn't get corrected? I always figured people who acted like this were acting out of insecurity and some kind of childhood wound, but perhaps I was wrong.

Asking partly out of curiosity, and partly because I want to avoid raising a person who behaves this way in adulthood.[/quote]

So many assumptions, so little time, OP.

Truth is, you have zero idea what people are going through. [/quote]

Could be lots of things. Could be that supportive family only exists if they’re perfect, or that the little princess was a mean girl but the parents thought she could do no wrong. Could be mental illness. Could be that she did have childhood trauma but you’re not aware, and she’s not advertising it because most people don’t. Could be they’re dealing with something terrible now and it’s making them snap. Could be as simple as being rude works for them and gets results. Could be that they don’t think there’s anything wrong with their behavior and lack empathy. Could be that there’s nothing wrong with their behavior and you’re too sensitive. There’s no way to know. If you don’t like them, don’t hang out with them anymore because you shouldn’t waste you’re time with people you don’t like. [/quote]

The people I'm thinking of definitely don't have childhood trauma. I know you'll tell me "you can't know that" but I do know it.

The behavior I'm talking about is unequivocally unkind, not up for debate.

So you've got: mental illness, permissive parents who ignored bad behavior, or some kind of ongoing issue that is making them "snap" (though again, this begs the question, wouldn't someone well parented with good family support have some built-in backstops to prevent "snapping"? if your family is loving and supportive and amazing, why would you need to take out frustration or whatever on someone else when you could just lean on your family in a time of need -- it's a dysfunctional behavior).[/quote]

How about sharing how you know and what kind of behavior you’re talking about? Otherwise it’s a vague hypothetical that none of us can answer except to say, could be anything, because we don’t really know what you’re talking about. [/quote]

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