Reply to Scared of ADHD child/emotional dysregulation

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[quote=Anonymous]I say this with kindness, but spanking is the wrong answer.  When you spank, you are just showing your own emotional dysregulation.  And, as you’ve pointed out, it is not sustainable because eventually he will be bigger and all you will have taught him is that it’s OK for the bigger person to hit the smaller.

You need to shift to a few different things -

1) consider medication - if his emotions are so big he can’t control them, it’s really not fair to deny him this tool if appropriate 
2) therapy for him to learn tools to help him identify and manage moods
3) therapy for you to support your parenting to support what he’s learning in therapy and ways you can model emotional regulation.

In a temper tantrum, I would not spank. I would say calmly, Larlo, I know you’re angry but hitting isn’t an OK way to express that. Can you take a few minutes in your room to calm down a bit and then we can talk?

You have to have different, more natural consequences - broken/thrown things get cleaned up, hurt people get apologies, etc. You have to do this with them at first & in a non-shameful way and teach them about making amends.  You need a therapist to help you work through ideas for this and then dissect retrospectively what worked & what didn’t.

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