Reply to Ex DH is a Christian who ended our marriage due to adultery

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[quote=Anonymous]My ex and I got married in our 20s. He is a graduate of a bible college and majored in theology. Besides being best friends, I was ecstatic to marry him because I believed he was a true believer, that he had genuine faith in God, and that no matter what we went through in life, God stood to save us, rescue us, heal us from whatever trial we may face or endure.

Now if you are an atheist or agnostic reading this, and you're rolling your eyes...that's okay, I get it, I'm just laying out this particular scenario to hear from other Christians that may understand my situation....

Fast forward 16 years later. Ex DH reconnects with a friend from youth group from his childhood. (I've written about this before here).  She's going thru all kinds of personal and relational difficulties. They become friends again, and he tells me he's trying to point her back to the faith that she once had. I grew weary of this relationship and eventually told ex DH, you are getting too close to her. You know too much about her. This isn't right. I feel you're closer to her emotionally than to me. He dismissed my concerns, said they were "just friends," and in fact encouraged me to be her friend. That's part of his lying and manipulation. Instead of saying-- babe, you're right, I feel I'm getting too close to her, and I see that you are concerned-- he minimized my concerns, said they are just friends, and didn't address the issue at hand.

A few months later, ex DH professed that he wanted to be that girl's "person," that she's suffered so much in life, that she needed someone to help her through her trauma and healing, and he was going to be that person.  He loved her, she loved him. She got a divorce "for him." He ended up emotionally cheating, then committing adultery and fornication.

I begged him to repent. I begged him to turn to God, confess his sin, and repent of the sin of adultery. I told him God stands to save you from the sin that was destroying our family and destroying our marriage.

He said...conveniently...that he was "probably never a Christian," and "going to hell anyway."

So-- there was no repentance. There was no turning from the sin. Just deeper and deeper into the sin.

We have now been separated two years. We live apart and I'm 99% sure he's with her right now (after all, she got a divorce "for him.").

Now ex DH is going to church. He talks to our kids about God. He tells me he's "pointing them to God." He insists that they need Him and he wants his kids to grow up faithful.

As a Christian, I'm not against my ex husband continuing to raise our kids Christian. But- for goodness sake - how can he do ALL that-- cheat on me, commit adultery and fornication, refuse to repent, say he's not saved anyway...but now that we are almost divorced-- he's with his AP, he's back at church, and he's buying MercyMe tickets and telling me he's going to point our kids to God?!

Is this just another mindF* (sorry to use that kind of language) orchestrated by a manipulative cheater, who wants to have his cake and eat it too?? To destroy his family, refuse to repent, refuse to ask God to deliver him from sin....yet now he's going to church, taking the kids to youth group, pointing them to God?!

I confronted him about this. I said, how can you hurt me and the kids due to your selfishness, your cheating and adultery...and now go back to the very God that was not good enough to save you and deliver you from your sin?  What kind of fraud are you?

I feel so angry because my therapist had predicted this when he first told me about the affair. That ex DH wants both the affair parther and God. That he wants to maintain that image of being a godly person, or a faithful person, but that he wasn't going to repent. That he was going to return back to the Lord after divorce because at the end of the day, that's what he really wanted - a new romantic partner, AND God, and to raise his kids as believers, AND this friendly relationship with his ex wife.  He wanted to maximize EVERYTHING after hurting me and our children because that's what people in affairs like to do. Have their cake and eat it too. Adultery AND GOD and a new partner AND raise his kids as Christians and take them to youth group.

Again - if you are an atheist or agnostic- feel free to roll your eyes, laugh at my f*ed up family, that's quite alright. But if you are reading this and somehow you GET THIS, you understand how messed up this is, perhaps you went through this yourself...I would love to hear from you. How could ex DH hurt me and the children...refuse to repent, say he's probably going to hell, divorce me...and is now back at church, pointing our kids to God, taking them to youth group, and so on? [/quote]

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