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[quote=Anonymous]My DH (early 60s) seems to be in a perpetual state of negativity with no end in sight. This has been going on for years now. We've discussed it many times and he admits that he tends to view things negatively, has no real joy in anything and essentially feels like life is nothing but one unhappy challenge after another. Even the smallest things can set him off on a spiral of negativity and constant criticism.

For example, we need to replace a new window and he's gone on and on about how much trouble it's going to be - expensive/being ripped off, that it may take months to get it installed, you can't count on companies to do quality work, etc.  He laments about how he is not "handy" and cannot do this kind of repair work himself.  There is a relatively minor problem with one of our cars and he has been stewing about it for days because he assumes it's going to turn out to be something very wrong/expensive, the mechanics won't know what they are doing and will make it worse, they will rip him off because he doesn't know cars, etc.

He does not need to work but continues to do so.  He complains about it constantly/daily as soon as he walks in the door. I've told him he has many other options - do consulting work, don't work at all, go work somewhere in a completely different field. He will find at least a half dozen reasons why ANY suggestion to improve ANYTHING will not work and is not viable.

His view is skewed. We are healthy, financially secure, have a nice home in a lovely area and can afford to make home repairs/upgrades, travel and do whatever we want.

We have no children together but he has an adult child and grandchildren who live cross country. I've encouraged him to go visit at least quarterly so he can develop a relationship with his grandkids but he won't take off of work to do so, despite having very liberal vacation time. He goes once a year for a weekend. But he will complain that he has "no family."

I've had multiple conversations with him about his viewpoint over the years and I asked him to at the very least consider how the neverending negativity is impacting me. He acknowledges that it does affect me but he seems to be unable/unwilling to try and reframe his thoughts.

His physical health is fine and he did go (briefly) to a therapist a couple of years ago but stopped and (as is typical) had a slew of negative reasons for why it was a "waste of time."  When I brought it up again recently he was adamant that it would do no good.

We were never very religious, but he has become an athiest in the past few years and has become increasingly hostile towards anything/anyone that has even the slightest religious hint towards it. For example, if a store clerk simply smiles and says "Have a blessed day" to him, he will give them a dirty look and complain about it as soon as he's out of earshot.  So joining any kind of faith-based community is a complete "NO" for him. We have some lovely neighbors who invited us to a neighborhood dinner, and two of the couples casually mentioned going to the same church and you could just see DH's face screw up like someone was talking about defecating.

I've tried to encourage him to volunteer. Of course, any organization that has any kind of religious ties is out. He did join one organization which really needed his professional skills and he's done that for a year. Now he's decided it's a waste of time, has come up with all kinds of negative comments about how the organization is run, and will give them his notice that he is going to quit.

I think I've just about reached my eject mode. I can't see spending my retirement years with a constant complainer and being nothing more than the backboard for his negative rants about life. I am financially secure and not dependent on him or his income.

Has anyone else gone through this? Any suggestions? Thanks for reading if you've gotten this far...

I understand that existential crises are common in mid/later life and happen to many people but it seems like this phase for him that is not going to end. I feel like the proverbial frog in the pot of water which is now beginning to simmer. I may very well be boiled alive if I don't hop out. [/quote]

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