Reply to Midlife mental health in toilet, deep self loathing, feeling hopeless

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[quote=Anonymous]I have a family but feel disconnected from spouse and like I’m failing my child.

Parents/sibling very dysfunctional, don’t know how to communicate or repair old harms, it’s a source of stress and sadness, not support. Also fearful of repeating same patterns with my own child.

Deep self loathing— hate how I look, detest my body as it gets softer with middle age, hate my face, my teeth, wish I could be a totally different person. Feel like I did at 14/15, just that adolescent feeling that I fit nowhere, am not attractive or likable, that everyone is hanging out without me on purpose because I suck.

Have plenty of friends but feel close to no one. Make an effort to hang out with people and not isolate but often makes me feel worse because everyone else seems more comfortable in this stage of life, happier in their families and careers.

Also haunted by many past regrets and things I grieve— friendships that fizzled or exploded, career opportunities I squandered or never achieved, financial decisions that set me back and make me feel always behind.

I just feel that I’ve wasted my life, that I don’t really matter to anyone except my DH who is stuck with me and my kid who will one day realize how lame I am and reject me.

Help.[/quote]

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