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[quote=Anonymous]In therapy.  We are trying to stay together, forgive, understand how our marriage got to the point this was possible, and all the other things you’re supposed to do.

I believe my husband loves me and he absolutely is devastated by his behavior, as well. A few things though:

He says he never was going to leave or wanted to leave me (married 21 years, 2 kids) yet he told her that he was never happy, never wanted to marry me, was planning on a divorce (I have texts from him saying this to her)

I can’t get images of them together out of my head.  Dates, sex, travel.  It was a 6 month physical and probably a few months before that emotional affair

So much lying and deceit

During the affair he was awful to me, very distant and critical he was going through serious work stress so I attributed it to that abd was super supportive which now manes me feel pathetic

He cites concerns in the marriage I don’t really see and makes me feel like we were living in two different marriages

He’s egotistical and selfish and this has made me hyper focus on those negative traits

I can’t have an orgasm during sex now it’s awful , images of them together prevent my enjoyment

He said awful things about me to her that I can’t un-know

He abandoned our family and put it at risk at a time our kids really needed both parents due to their own struggles (late teens)

I feel so angry and sad and wonder when I’ll ever be ok.  I have terrible dreams and feel like I’m walking in quick sand most days. Little joy

He is extremely remorseful, seems to value me more than ever but it’s hard to not think this is just temporary

He has shared, at my insistence, that he’s had other flirty encounters, especially when traveling that did not culminate in sex but may have included getting drinks or dinner or texting for a bit this one breaks my heart as it feels like a pattern and I’m not sure he can just stop it ?

The kids know and that’s been awful all around and impacting our ability to heal, as well

Advice welcome

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