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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Around a year ago my (now) 16 year old DD started going out with this boy, who I will call 'John.' At first, me and my husband did not think about it a lot because it was just a high school boyfriend, but over the past 4 months they have been getting much closer and he has become a regular fixture in our house.

The problem is that me and DH dont like him. He can be very sweet, but he has moments where he will get unreasonably angry over the smallest things. For example, around a month ago my 98 year old great aunt visited for dinner one night and a couple of local relatives came over. We told DD and him that we were having a family get together a week in advance, and that we wanted it to just be a family affair. There were a couple of reasons for this (that we explained to them), most notably that she is elderly and not in the best health so we were trying to minimize the risk of illness transmission. Fast forward to the day in question, and he stops by after their school (totally fine - the event started at 6:30). At around 6, we (politely) asked if he would go home and he freaked out, screaming at us that he thought we had reconsidered. This, of course, got DD begging us to let him stay. Ultimately, he and DD left (presumably to go to his home). This isnt a one-time event, but this was the worst.

Now, I would understand if John came from a rough home, but he has loving parents and has a good homelife, I just think he is clingy and almost obsessive.

I know DD is old enough to make her own choices, and I don't want to butt in, but I am at the end of my rope, and I just have no interest in having to deal with him. I also am worried because I can see shades of my ex-husband, who I loved to bits, but was physically abusive when he got wound up. John has never gotten physical with DD (or us), but has gotten close especially with DH, getting all up in his face, which can be intimidating because he is a bigger kid and can be quite imposing.

How would you handle this?[/quote]

Sorry but if someone screamed at me in my home, that would be the last time he would be allowed in my home.
This is your opportunity to show your daughter how we draw boundaries of how we will be treated by others and stick to it.

You will think "oh but I'll be driving her I to his arms" well, this is a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. So at least know that you set an example -as a eoman- of not being treated abusively[/quote]

+1. Your job here is to react appropriately to this situation.  You don't need to forbid her from seeing him, just draw your own boundary of what you allow in your home.[/quote]

100% this. And lots of discussions with your DD as to why this behavior is a super red flag, for HER and for anyone in his orbit. I'd also limit time out with him on dates (not forbid altogether-yet). Then, you have to just be there to support her. [/quote]

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