Reply to Failure to thrive - Mid and late 20s

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[quote=Anonymous]I have four kids.  2 graduated from college and started their lives.  They are self sufficient, paying all their bills, living independently.  They have good jobs and are making great progress.  Talking about grad school, etc.  No surprise, they were both easy kids.  We have great relationships with them.  We respect them and only provide any input when specifically asked.

Our two other sons are not doing well. Neither finished school.  One made it through 4 years of enlisted military, but it didn’t seem to have much of an impact.  Neither can hold a job.  They each have lived with us at one point and it did not go well at all.  They were not helpful, and were very disrespectful.  Name calling and constant drama.  They are each on their own now, but always full of issues and drama.  They don’t pay their bills. We know because they send their mail to our home because they don’t stay in one place long enough to forward mail, etc.  When the drama rises, they call us.  They try to cajole money out of us and sing a real song and dance.  Any help we have given them has just not helped.  It has not been a lot of money btw.  We try to say no with love.

When ever the going gets rough in their lives, we are the first to be blamed.  They were both handfuls to raise, but we somehow got them to adulthood.  They both go through periods of non contact when we don’t give them what they want.

Their drama stresses me out more than it should at 28 and 26.  So basically how do I toughen up and stop letting their issues make me so unhappy?  Anybody relate?  How do you handle your kids and yourself.  Just curious.   [/quote]

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