Reply to Why do some elderly people develop signs of dementia soon after their spouse dies?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the replies.

Interesting. We never noticed any signs of cognitive decline in MIL when FIL was alive. As a matter of fact FIL was in poor health  the last couple of years of his life, and it was MIL who took care of him and their household (they did have a cleaner).

After FIL died, MIL at age 82 seemed OK on her own at first. She was getting a lot of practical help from her daughters, who live close to her, and from her cleaner.
But then she started showing signs of forgetfulness and later signs of dementia.

After FIL died, MIL sadly never tried to build a social life for herself as a widow. She didn't seek the company of other people her age, or other widows, and never joined groups of people with shared interests. 
She just wanted her adult kids to take care of her, keep her company and take her places.
I think it's a shame she never really had her own friends after FIL's death.

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I don’t understand this expectation. How in the world can you expect an 82 yo with signs of dementia to suddenly start building a social life? It’s very hard for elderly people, especially those who live in the suburbs and are car dependent, to socialize. You really turn into yourself.  Many people their age are dying, in poor health, or not particularly fun. 82 is VERY different than 72. 
[/quote]

OP here. I meant she could have tried to build some kind of social life for herself after FIL died, and before she was diagnosed with dementia. 
She was 82 when he died and she seemed OK for around 3 years before we noticed changes in her.

By contrast, I know an elderly man, age 86, who is a widower and lives on his own in an apartment. His adult children don't live close to him. 
He once told me he refused to stay at home between the same four walls, and his secret to old age was to stay active. He has a social diary to be jealous of! 
One day he goes swimming, the next he plays cards with friends, the following day he goes to a play or the opera. He swims 3 times a week. He travels with tour groups.
He once said 'why should I lock myself up at home and waste my time just because my kids don't live close and don't visit often'.[/quote]

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