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[quote=Anonymous]I grew up in California with a sister ten years older than me, a sister one year younger, and a mentally ill mother. My father took the easy route on everything so never intervened when my mother was abusive. Our older sister left before I can really remember and my younger sister and I are very close still.

My mother is now dead and due to various reasons my father has never met my kids including my oldest son is 13. My older sister has a personality disorder and moved in with our 80yo father when our mother died last year, mainly because she is divorced, broke and planning to keep his house.

My younger sister had an easier childhood which we both acknowledge is because I absorbed a lot of the stress. I graduated and left Cali without a thought to going back.

This summer I’m going to California for a class Mates 50th birthday and I’ll be bringing my kids. I’d like them to meet my father, even though I’m nervous about it. But I definitely don’t want any of us to see my older sister.

My younger sister and I have never had a fight but she’s angry with me because she says I should make plans with our father now so we has something to look forward to. I told her this is not my responsibility, I’m really just planning to check a box by seeing him, and I know for sure that if I tell him ahead of time then my crazy older sister who controls him will get involved.

I had planned to just call my father once we’re there as he’s always at home, go pick him up and take him to a meal so my kids can spend a few hours with him. My husband who is very aware of my parent’s problems agrees with this strategy.

I don’t want my younger sister to be angry but I’m not sure what I can do to help that. When we spoke yesterday she started yelling at me saying she’s sick of how negative I am about our father. Of course I’m sick of all the trauma I’m carrying because he didn’t act like a parent but I distance myself from it.

Any thoughts on how to address?

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