Reply to We think my mom is gaslighting dad

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the daughter who saw dementia in dad long before mom could face reality and siblings-both doctors insisted it wasn't so. I was the crazy one and I'm sure they too had a million reasons I was wrong. It took a very concerning issue 9 months later to force the evaluation. The deterioration was major and clearly something that had been happening over years, though they all claim he is the only person to have such a rapid onset and decline.

Yes, there is something you can do. Encourage an evaluation. Often in the very early stages they pass the evaluation (that's what happened with inlaws), but if he doesn't pass, you will know for sure your mother is correct. Don't assume if he fails there aren't subtle signs. Also, FTD often results in passing the screen, but it shows up on scans (though often it starts earlier).[/quote]

Op here! Thank you! I realized I left out that when I ask about the doctors assessment my mother won't answer me. My sister is also a nurse who has worked with elderly patients. And I just went through exactly what you are talking about with my father-in-law--my spouse and I figured out pretty quickly my FIL was covering and no one believed us so I have sympathy for what you described!

I think I might ask my father about how is feeling about his health and my mother talking about him having dementia. I don't think he knows she has this narrative. [/quote]

It's good you have experience with the other side and empathy. I would be careful asking dad how he feels. Few people with dementia know they have it and you could set off a bomb. One of my siblings did that. I then was blocked from knowing any medical info after I endured a tantrum. Even when they are aware there may be an issue they often try to desperately hide it. You don't want to set off a huge fight between him and mom. Even if you think mom is nuts, you are lucky she is there to care for him.[/quote]

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