Reply to Going Back to an Abusive Relationship

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, men like this don't change without a true motivation to work on themselves, and not to get you back, but to work on themselves. Batterer's Intervention Programs are only mildly successful, and they sometimes run as long as 52 weeks. This is simply not going to change. I'm so sorry that you've gone through this but be grateful that he showed his true colors early enough for you to move on and not be locked in either through marriage or children. Seriously, he gave you that gift at least. He's shown who he is. I've worked in the field of domestic violence since 1989, and at one time ran a batterer's group. The work is intense and extremely difficult and uncomfortable for the men at first. You can see if they hit that point of realizing that it's a respect thing, and not just for you, but for themselves. It's a rare thing to see for sure.

The last thing I would say is your reticence in believing that this is the real deal in terms of his changing is a voice inside you telling you that this isn't going to be a lasting change. The fact that you posted here says you have concerns and you're essentially asking "should I trust my gut and see these red flags for what they are?" Yes, please, listen to yourself, trust your gut, and see these red flags for what they are - you're seeing an abuser for who he is, and he's someone who hasn't shown you that he has made lasting changes.[/quote]

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