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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you're still being a control freak and not understanding what it means for them to make their own decisions and live the they want. It really has nothing to do with you as long as you stop trying to control them. It's really what it comes down to. You don't like to see it, you want them to be living the way you envision and you're furious. Move on with your life. Talk to them once a week or so. My controlling sister made my parents move into an assisted living near her. Then she dropped dead 3 months in. My dad died 6 months after that. Now my mom lives by herself, in ths place where she knows nobody. Rapidly deteriorating dementia. But she will probably live this way for 10 more years. And for what? She's miserable. I can't see but once or month or so, at best. Why live in nursing homes into your 90s when life that way sucks. Stick it out at home and die 10 years earlier, on your own terms. That's the way I see it. But guess what, I only have to worry about how I want to age. [/quote]

It turns out once we start living in ways that concern outsiders, we cease to get a say in how that plays out. Would my mom have preferred to have accidentally wandered into the lake and drowned when she was in the agitated escape risk part of dementia? absolutely! but instead the state got involved because she merely wandered around neighbors properties and had to be brought home by the police. evaluation stated that they could no longer live on their own, and boom! they were in a nursing home with insane fees *in a state with filial responsibility laws*.

it really sucks to suddenly be on the hook for $25,000 a month "care" that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Anyway, I managed to extract them to a much better and cheaper and closer nursing home, but am I still mad at the awful toll it took on me because they absolutely refused to plan sensibly for the future? yup.
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