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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You and your therapist should agree on your therapy goals and the tools to achieve them. I would also be very put off if my therapist pushed me to discussing or doing something that I didn’t want to do. My current therapist sometimes brings up some work he thinks I should do but doesn’t push it if I am not receptive.

You came to therapy for a specific goal and tool (EMDR) and you are entitled to focus on that.

Separately it’s entirely possible that you can improve any distressing patterns based on your anxiety and self-criticism. I work on that all the time with my CBT therapist. But we rarely go into my childhood. Since the problem is in the here and now, that’s where we address it. [/quote]

Based on what she says in her OP, it sounds like the therapist doesn’t think EMDR will help until they figure out what the real underlying issue is, which would explain why the OP didn’t process the memory in a healthy way in the first place. It got stuck in her body for a reason and the therapist wants to know why before they start working on that. Makes sense to me based on my past experience with EMDR. It’s very routine to practice on less emotional memories and talk about what that brings up for the patient before addressing the traumatic memory they came in for.[/quote]

That's not how EMDR works, they should be able to use EMDR to deal with the trauma of the accident without the other therapy.

But I don't think the therapist is "pushing something the OP is not receptive to", the OP is asking questions to determine if she is open to the both the EMDR and exploring why she "hated herself".

Obviously if OP doesn't really care why she hates herself, she knows there is shit in her childhood and she doesn't care and just wants to do EMDR to deal with the accident trauma, she has the right to tell her therapist that.

But the OP did not say, she did not want to do this .. she is asking questions... "doesn't everybody hate themselves" - no is the answer, "does dwelling on your past really help" - it's not dwelling it's discussing and seeing if that informs decision or feeling you have today.

I was rearended and people died in the accident. I did EMDR, to deal with the trauma. Everytime cars stop quickly I get a flash that people will die, that will never go away... but I know why I do it and I don't freak out or close my eyes due to the EMDR.

I know X happened in my childhood, I know I get very, very anxious when Y happens now. Now I know that not everybody gets anxious around Y but now I understand why I do, it' helps me not spiral or ruminate on my fear.

Here is an example how this has helped me. My friend died in a car accident when I was 17, when my 17 year old drives I get very anxious, more so than normal. I use to nag them to text me every 30 minutes... unreasonable... after therapy I told my kids. Hey my friend died when we were 17 in a car accident, I know it's unreasonable to be so anxious when you drive but this is a real fear of mine so can you have some empathy for me and remember to text when you arrive at school (somewhat reasonable)... then slowly they had to text me less and less. Now when they drive long distances, etc.  I really never put 2 and 2 together and I thought, isn't everyone this anxious.[/quote]

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