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[quote=Anonymous]OP, good for you for seeking out therapy and being open to what comes from it. That takes guts.

FWIW, I think your therapist is doing exactly the right thing so I'd encourage you to try to keep an open mind and allow the conversations to go where they will. My experience has been that I really did not begin to comprehend how events from my childhood were governing my day to day mindset/actions/reactions... And I'm in my 50's. I really thought i had my stuff together.

And I do. But I'm also unbelievably and unrelentingly hard on myself (in many of the ways you mention, and others). And I am discovering that some of my instinctive reactions and feelings really are connected to what I experiences as a child. It's pretty disturbing actually. BUT - once I discover something in that vein, my therapist and i kind of take it out and look at it. It can be upsetting. It can be confusing. It can change how I think about myself. Almost always though, it results in some positive change.

I understand myself better now. And I am kinder to myself. (I still have a way to go on that but I'm making progress.) And as these things move from a subconscious level to a conscious level - where I can actually look at them as an adult (and with my therapist's help) they change. They lose some of their power over me, or I gain more control over them and my reactions.

That gives me more breathing room in unexpected ways. I'm more relaxed as a mom, I'm a little more patient as a spouse, I'm less likely to overreact to a small thing, I'm more able to allow myself to be human, etc...

I agree w/ the pp also - you won't be dwelling, you'll be discovering - discussing and then evolving. And the evolving part is really pretty cool.

So my strong advice, having been in the uncomfortable place you're discovering, is that it is worth the work of putting up with the discomfort, exploring what you think you'd rather not look at, and letting this stranger guide you. Give it a shot.

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