Reply to Parental time and activities as kids age

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I feel for you. You're trying your hardest, doing everything right, and still getting screwed. Unfortunately, all my solution ideas are crappy for you. But they might be best for your kid.

He's an hour away, but he works near where you live (and presumably where the kids go to school). Could you switch from Tuesday nights and every other week to week on/week off? In exchange for him handling activities on his weeks? Sucks for you, but 50/50 custody might be better and easier on your kid. If the drive is too long, is there any leeway on dad moving back? I mean, his job is near you, right?

Can you barter time? In exchange for the Friday afternoon slightly later pickup, could your son stay there Sunday night and have his father drop him right at school on Monday? Your ex-husband would probably also have to swing by your house to drop off his stuff.

Has your ex been confronted with the reality that there is no way for your son to compete if he doesn't practice on dad's time? What is dad's solution? Is it really his preference that son quit swimming?

Is there any way to communicate to ex-husband that his refusal to budge on swimming is hurting his relationship with his son? You might not be the best messenger for this, especially if your verbal conversations are contentious. Could you write a letter? Is there an intermediary your son could talk to? A grandparent? Or one of his father's friends? Who might listen to your son and then be willing to advocate for him to his dad?[/quote]

I appreciate these ideas! Unfortunately 50/50 is off the table. He never wanted it when we negotiated custody. He starts work before 8 am and as it is has to drop the kids off at my house on Wednesday mornings at 7:30 so he can make it to his office with time to spare. Their school doesn't start until 9 am. So he picks them up at 5:30 pm on Tuesday, they sit in the car in traffic for an hour, they have dinner, go to bed, and then get woken up at 6 am to make it back to our neighborhood by 7:30 am. They don't eat breakfast there or get dressed into school clothes. They do all that when they return to my home. I have been incredibly accommodating to his schedule, including switching weekends regularly, for the sake of my kids.

As for him moving back to the area... that likely won't happen. He bought a house with his new wife. She works 5 minutes from their new place, an hour away from both his kids and his job. She does not have children (yet). When we came up with the custody schedule during our separation, he told me and his lawyers that he was planning to find a place in our current area. I later found out he had no intention of doing that, as he moved right out of our home had already signed a lease with his then girlfriend an hour away.

I could let him keep them on Sunday evenings... that's definitely a suggestion I'll offer. Thanks![/quote]

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