Reply to Parental time and activities as kids age

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[quote=Anonymous]I know this has been discussed before in various situations, but I'm wondering if anyone has experience with slightly younger children and how activities are handled. My DCs are 12 and 10 years old. DC12 is starting to become more competitive/serious about sports and is feeling resentful of my exDH, who is firmly committed to ensuring no extra curricular activities happen on his weekday evenings (which is currently just Tuesday night) or his weekends (every other from Friday evening to Sunday evening). For context, the one night a week custody is because ExDH moved out of state (about an hour away) after the divorce because the drive is long and they have to get up very early the next morning to make the drive back to our neighborhood where school is. DCs would prefer not to go there at all during the week, because it's rather disruptive, but for now we have continued this schedule.

I have been able to sign DC12 up for activities that only fall on M, W, Th evenings to date. Right now this includes swimming on M, W evenings, which I take him to, with the occasional music class or tutoring on Thursdays. However, he has decided he wants to move up to swimming 3 days a week next season (beginning in September) and his coaches are encouraging it now that he is 12. Unfortunately, the only practice options on his current team (which he loves) are M, W, F evenings or M, W evenings + Saturday morning. I have looked into other nearby clubs and it seems the schedules are similar. Ex-DH is adamantly against letting DC12 go to practices on his Friday evenings or to any Saturday mornings. I understand the Saturday morning opposition as he lives far away, but he works near our neighborhood so Fridays would just require him to wait an additional 30 minutes for practice to end before driving them to his home.

I would be fine with him missing every other Friday or Saturday, but the team has requirements for his level regarding attendance if he wants to attend meets. As it is, we move the custody schedule around at least once per month so that weekend swim meets fall on my weekends because he does not want his time with DCs to be spent doing activities.

DC10 is also currently in swim on M, W evenings and doesn't plan to add another day just yet, so no issues there. He has relayed to me that he says he has been shut down at every attempt to discuss. I have my own feelings about this of course, but I'm mostly concerned about DC12s feelings toward his father moving forward (building resentment) and with the unrealistic expectation exDH has regarding his time, particularly as our children get older. They will not be able to avoid weekend activities twice a month forever.

I guess what I'm asking is how other parents deal with scenarios like this. It's heartbreaking to hear how frustrated DC12 is becoming and how helpless we both feel to make a change. [/quote]

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