Reply to Moral Dilemma - Fight with mom to arrange for better care for dad or give up the fight

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Reply to "Moral Dilemma - Fight with mom to arrange for better care for dad or give up the fight"

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[quote=Anonymous]I’m a former lawyer but have been a hospice caregiver for the last almost decade. I’ve seen lots of setups for in home care, and the good ones all required a very serious commitment on the part of the family members in residence, especially as decline progresses.

Without someone really paying attention your dad could suffer skin breakdown leading to bedsores as he becomes more and more incapacitated. At his present stage he already belongs in a hospital bed for his safety and comfort and for the safety and well-being of his caregivers, too. A traditional bed is a nightmare for caregivers to navigate a body that cannot fully participate in transfers etc.

Given that your mother is more concerned about the placement of her furniture than she is in creating the safest most ideal home care situation for her husband and his caregivers, and more concerned about the dog than she is in his comfort as well-being as he ages in place, I would say this is a bad situation for your dad unless you remain highly involved or hire a care manager to do it for you. He may be very together mentally, but that doesn’t mean he will suddenly have the emotional means to counteract your mom’s nature. A neutral person is best involved, or at least a concerned child, when the person needing care is in a marriage that appears at best description neglectful.

I’m sorry for your experience, it is very hard caring for aging parents in best circumstances nevermind when there are dynamics like this in play. Your mom sounds very narcissistic; if that has been the case all along I’m sorry you endured that yourself growing up. Narcissistic parents are a gift that never stops giving. [/quote]

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