Reply to Moral Dilemma - Fight with mom to arrange for better care for dad or give up the fight

Forum Index » Eldercare

Reply to "Moral Dilemma - Fight with mom to arrange for better care for dad or give up the fight"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]In a nutshell, fully mentally capable dad has had precipitous physical decline and now requires private pay home health caregivers for bathing, etc.

I have been closely helping dad since he hospitalized 2.5 weeks ago (a full week staying with him in the hospital, coordinating care, pushing for rehab referral, etc.). Before I arrived, he in terrible shape completely bedridden and in pain.

Mom is declining mentally but has no diagnosis.  (Brain tumor survivor so it could be that.). Still very active physically and has an active life.  Has a large dog that she spends most of her time taking care of.  Has shone herself unable to prioritize dad over dog (i.e. go to dog park instead of picking up pain meds for dad).  Believes she can handle alone since "she cared for her dying father 60 years ago."  Does not respond to rational thinking - generally oppositional and arrogant (that's without the mental fog).

Mom is resisting my guidance on plan for dad as he is discharged in the next few days.  She thinks he will be fine just sitting in his room while she does her normal life. Believes caregiver will steal, pillage, etc from them and resists hiring someone.  Also resisting hospital bed recommended by PTs because she doesn't want her furniture rearranged.

I am at my breaking point dealing with her.  I feel like it's A LOT for me to be handling this situation for them (flying in, getting dad to hospital, etc.) and now I have to fight her on every point.  Exhausting and demoralizing.

Moral dilemma - do I break some eggs, railroad mom into hiring appropriate caregiver and possibly hire case manager?  Or let her try it "her way" and see what happens.  Dad is a cheapskate and resistant to spending money though they have significant savings and own their home.  A stoic who will not self advocate, and controlling in his own way.  (That's how he got in such tough shape - denial of pain). Any thoughts would be great.  I have lots of kids who need me right now and though I am happy to help my dad, I am enraged that my mom is making it so difficult.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics