Reply to Honest Advice - Should I point out the hurt that my mom caused 15 years ago now or let it go?

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Reply to "Honest Advice - Should I point out the hurt that my mom caused 15 years ago now or let it go?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yeah, it seems like she mellowed and learned her lesson, and we're not talking about some horrific thing. It's not like she, I dunno, no-showed to your rehearsal dinner or got drunk and made a scene or screamed obscenities at you or called someone a racial slur. "Said some mean things" + 10 years ago + personal growth = why bother?

It does raise the question - why is it still bothering you? You seem to have a good context and understanding for why this happened and where it came from, and it's not ongoing, which is usually a recipe for letting it go. Why are you still hanging on emotionally? Seems worth a little soul searching on your end. [/quote]

I think that "hanging on emotionally" seems like the wrong way to frame this. First of all, OP is, in the moment, having conversations with her mother about her wedding on a regular basis. So she has constant reminders of the mean things her mom said and did. Second, her mom is invalidating her by brushing off her hurt because she doesn't remember the details. Frustration and sadness is a very normal response to this happening.

My mom was straight-up abusive and I have basically let it go, but to do that I needed to move far away and get a lot of distance. I don't think I could be in close proximity with her for an extended period of time without being saddened that we will never have a good mother/daughter relationship because she isn't capable of that, and I'd certainly be reminded of the hurt she caused. [/quote]

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