Reply to 21 month age gap

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "21 month age gap "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I don't know what I'd advise you. In fact, if I could go back and do it again, I don't know what I'd do. But here's at least one data point.

My two are 19 months apart, born when I was 35 and 37. They're 3 and 1.5 now.

The second pregnancy and baby were so, so hard on me. I really thought I was "back" - I was at my pre-pregnancy weight, no lingering issues, feeling good. I've always been a healthy weight and overall in good health, and I've always had active hobbies and got plenty of exercise. But there is a reason that doctors advise 18 months between pregnancies. It became clear in hindsight that my body was NOT ready. The first trimester exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. I was barely functioning. I recovered by the fourth month, but (again in hindsight, it was not apparent to me at all at the time) my mental health started to flounder a bit. Trouble focusing, things like that. My ninth month I had bad hip pain that no one could fix and could barely walk.

Delivery was easy, but I immediately slipped into bad PPD that would last 16 months. I was barely functional, crying 5-10 times a day, every day. I got no joy out of my baby or my toddler. Everything was difficult. Even basic things felt impossible. I ate like crap because it was my only solace. The idea of exercise was a joke. I was in terrible mental and physical health, and then my back went out about one year postpartum, leaving me basically bedridden for about 12 weeks. I couldn't hold either of my kids. I couldn't sit up or even be propped up, only lay down completely flat. Standing and walking was painful. I did manage to continue working from my with my laptop propped up. It took months of intense PT (3x per week) to get back to functional, and (interestingly) once my back healed, my PPD lifted, too, quite suddenly.

Now, things are great. The kids are amazing. They're best friends. Having kids close in age is actually awesome because they like the same things. I'm healed and am back to myself. In fact, we're even thinking about a third. There are actually a TON of advantages to having them close in age. But the biggest thing for us was that we always wanted a big family (we were planning on four, that went out the window with the PPD) and we knew with my age, waiting was risky. It had also taken a while to get pregnant with #1, so we were worried about that (though it turns out I got pregnant super quickly with #2).

Faced with the choice of risking my health vs. risking ending up with an only child because we waited too long is a tough, tough call. My big pieces of advice - 1) make sure you've got yourself an equal partner spouse. My husband did so much childcare in the first 16 months, and while my back was out, he was basically in charge of 2 under 2, solo, for months. If your husband can't/isn't willing to take over when things get rough, you're in a much riskier place 2) prioritize your health. If you're exhausted, sleep. Even if other things get dropped. Make sure you're exercising, especially that you're strengthening your core, both before, during, and after your second pregnancies. My PT recommends pilates. It may seem like childcare or household tasks are more important than your rest or exercise, but I'm telling you, they're not. If mom's body is non-functional, the whole family falls apart. 3) Outsource as much, or more, than you can afford. And consider formula or combo feeding. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics