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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is what I'd do:

-Call her out on the cyberstalking. Say it's weird and has nothing to do with her decisions on her money.
-And, while we are talking about your money, mom, you're right I have no entitlement to it. You are free to do with it as you please. 
-I'd ice her out. Respond shortly and civilly to her. I wouldn't be visiting, etc. And while, yes, it is partially in response to the money it is more in response to the a) blatant favoritism, which would be hurtful, and b) the nasty attitude dished out to me. I don't let people treat me that way, including my parents. 
-when she asks why I cooled things down, I'd tell her. 
And remind her to have a good plan for her golden years that relies on brother.

And to be clear, I would feel not a moment's guilt over the above. She's told you who she is and what she things of you/your family. Believe her. And act accordingly. [/quote]

I'd do the first 2 of these things.  And then I would apologize for my own overreaching – their money is their business and how they spend it is up to them.  I'd admit some vulnerability "you know this is something that has bothered me" and pledge to refrain from discussing it again "so I'm not going to bring this up anymore and I would appreciate if you didn't either.  I don't want to know anything about your financial arrangements or support of Brother." Then end the discussion.  Hold up your end and if/when she doesn't hold up hers, remind her that you really do not want to know.  It's not your business.  Lather, rinse, repeat.

Since you neither receive nor expect any support from them, you can just get on with your life.  I'd absolutely be resentful and annoyed/angry about the ridiculous outlay for layabout brother, don't get me wrong.  And the google stalking is obnoxious and she's obviously deflecting.  But I agree with the Drop the Rope folks.  Just opt out of all future discussions about money.  If she keeps bringing it up, that's when I would cut back communication and go the ice out route.  No guilt.  Nada.[/quote]

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