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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm happily marrired but DH has a demanding job, 70 hour weeks. No kids yet.  We're newish to the area--moved here 3 years ago from Orgeon.  No family or support networks here.  I'm an only child and my parents live in California, so I've always felt lonely here, especially because I only see my parents once a year.  DH's family is cold and disinterested, and they live in Miami.  When DH isn't around or on a business trip, I feel completely and utterly alone.  I am a social person, and enjoy being around people, and I don't like being alone because it makes me feel incredibly lonely.  I don't have any sense of belonging here.  I have made new 2 friends here, but they're not the kind of friends I could count on.  I work fill-time but don't feel a sense of belonging at work.  I don't feel that DH and I belong here or anywhere, we can't seem to find our social niche.  It's a very depressing feeling.  Just started seeing a therapist but not sure this issue is something I can ever really resolve without making more new friends who would be like a surogate family here.  Everyone is wrapped up in their own lives and has no time for me, and no one reciprocates when I reach out to invite people to lunch or to do an activity.  Does anyone else feel this way?  I find it very hard to cope with these feelings of extreme loneliness and isolation.[/quote]

I think you need to think about what would make you happy, what you really need to feel connected.  And, then, actively seek it out.  Do you want to be here?  How old are you?  (I guess that is an important question.)  In my 30s, I never had any problem finding people to hang out with.  I could see it being a bit trickier if you are in your 40s, without kids (b/c most people in your age range will have kids, and therefore different interests).  Where you live is also an issue.  If you are out in the 'burbs, that will be tougher.  But, in DC there are SO MANY groups and organizations and activities . . . so back to my original point, you need to decide what it is you want.  Three new friends to see three times a week?  Or?   I think  you can find it, you just need to be a bit more goal oriented.[/quote]

OP here--if only it was as easy as you make it sound to make friends and feel conncected.  I am in my mid-30's, and I have found it very difficult to find people to hang out with.  Extremely difficult.  But I think part of that is because we're a married couple without kids in the burbs.  Everyone I meet out here in the burbs grew up here or has family and extensive social support networks here, and they're not really looking to make more friends.  The two friends I've made out here in the burbs also either grew up here or have extensive social support networks here, but they were looking to make more friends.  However, most women just aren't.  They're wrapped up in their lives, aren't interested in me, and are already crazy busy.

I have tried many different things: I've been in a book club for over a year (which has been a nice experience, and I've made some acquaintances, but no one who has reciprocated my inviting them to do things), I'm a member of a religious congregation (have made some acquaintances, but same thing, no one seems interested in making friends), and I volunteer once a week at one organization and twice a month with another organization (again, have made some acquaintances, but same deal).  So I'm definitely getting out there as much as I can while working full-time, and meeting people, but I have yet to find a place or activity where I feel like I belong or feel like I've really found my social niche.  I am certainly open to joining more groups/trying new ways to meet people.  But I think it's a larger issue of feeing that I just don't belong here or anywhere.  This area doesn't feel like "home," and I don't think it will until I have a social support network, which hasn't happened yet and I don't think it ever will.

What it would take for me to feel a sense of belonging/connectedness is 4 or 5 good friends who I can call to meet up once in awhile when DH is working, or when I feel lonely, or who will call me to chat on the phone once in awhile (my phone never rings).  Friends who I could celebrate holidays with (since we celebrate every holiday alone), who would invite me to their holiday celebrations and who we might take vacations with.   [/quote]

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