Reply to How do you cope with the constant emotional blows?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I can relate to so much of this. Only you can save you. If your family cared about you they would not be calling you "selfish" for finally setting boundaries. I too was a people pleaser and I tried to right by people who took advantage sometimes.

I am the poster on here who is not a fan of people coming on and saying to someone burned out who gave too much that "You are a good girl/child/family member!" and then you get the mixed message to take care of yourself and not do so much -all that stuff that made you a "good girl" in other's eyes. No, just no. The outside world should not telling you are good or bad, you decide what works for you. Setting ourselves on fire to keep others warm does not make us good girls.

I had a life crisis that forced me to set boundaries. When I got the insults in return, my life got stressful enough with the crisis that I finally gave up taking the high road and told off someone. I was very clear about how much I did, how little it was appreciated and how utterly disgusting it is to call me selfish for finally setting limits. I then pointed out to the person straight up facts of how using selfish with me was a pot kettle situation. I made it clear that insults and manipulation were off the table from now on. That put an end to that. You do you. You do your best within reasonable limits of what you can handle. Do not define yourself by what a bunch of takers say.[/quote]

OP here and good for you!! I’m starting to do this now, and also learning to let the stubborn elders hit a wall. Hate to do, but it’s all that’s left. My sister went on a tear the other day, asking what’s to become of her when my folks have to sell the house to provide for their own elder care due to the loss of one SS check when the other dies. The fact she’s had free rent for 20+ years, chose to work part-time in a low paying field, and saved nothing, doesn’t even enter into the equation. It’s clear now she expected me to provide her free accommodation for the rest of her life, when she can easily work full-time and provide for herself.

Amazing what you find out when you set boundaries. [/quote]

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