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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I just posted, but I think the question not enough people ask themselves is if they will have horrible regret if they get too involved. I think I too guilt-tripped myself until dealing with too much abusive behavior for fear of regrets. It took a toll on my health and my family.

This is why I cringe every time someone describes doing themselves in for an elderly parent and someone starts with you are a "good/great child." It's a mixed message. You are clearly miserable, but all of us deep down want to heart we are a good girl or boy. We are adults now. Lots of people get to the end of the sandwich generation rodeo burned out, exhausted, resentful and they end up battling their own illness. You have to have boundaries. You do want to do your best to make there is decent care. You try to do right by your dad who is probably totally drained, but sometimes after you try your best you have to detach if he refuses help since he is cognitively capable.[/quote]

Thank you for posting these thoughts.  I deeply appreciate the perspective.  I ended my relationship with my elderly mother who is in early dementia about a year ago.  I offered financial assistance to cover respite care and long term care, but that is all.  Radio silence from my older siblings.  I can understand why they are unresponsive to me--and I am working to tolerate they hold a much different perspective.  I almost did myself in 20 years ago when I was in a relationship with someone who was not functioning for many reasons--I ended up with PTSD and financially drained--never again.  I have two SN minor children and a husband as well as my own neurological issues---I think the cutoff while offering financial support is as humane as it can realistically be---and justified. I have zero expectation that my children will take care of me when I'm elderly.  I want them to know that I will still regard them as a loving son/daughter if they decide to end their relationship with me when I'm elderly.  Really, it is ok.  [/quote]

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