Reply to How do you cope with the constant emotional blows?

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[quote=Anonymous]I know death is a part of getting older but for the past 1.5 years, the losses and emergencies have been staggering. Started with my mother having a heart attack/stroke a year and a half ago, that she survived but with some cognitive loss. When I went there, found out my aunt’s pancreatic cancer was worse than she let on. She’s always been cantankerous, so I stayed to help, not realizing how awful it would be, as she refused anything that would help ease her mental pain, so emotionally destroyed everyone who wanted to be there for her. When she had to go inpatient hospice, the doctor took heroic efforts against her DNR and she lived another few weeks there, all the while with the hospice place calling me demanding I fly back and take her home ‘like she wanted’. I had to finally threaten the social worker with a lawsuit to get them to stop. During that time, we lost our dog to cancer, and I never got to say goodbye, which was devastating. Since then, three aunts have passed, an uncle, and one of our much loved cats developed a urinary blockage, which I caught, but caused much stress. Just as I was relaxing mentally again, our other cat developed chronic kidney failure. I know people here might say ‘they are just pets’, but we love them, and it’s still a stressor for sure, to the point where when one does succumb to the chronic illness, there’s some relief that goes with the pain. I know that’s normal but my spouse seems to regard me as cold for feeling that relief. Doesn’t help.

Intellectually I understand that as we age, there are more losses around us (I’m 61). I just wish I had more of a break between it all. My parents are cross country and are living on social security, and refuse to make changes to help themselves financially. We can’t afford to keep pouring money into their situation and everyone is mad at me for saying I’m done doing that. So on top of all the losses, I’m the ‘selfish, neglectful one’.  Every day, I just want to get in the car and drive and drive and drive until I am away from it all so I can mentally recover.  Instead, I stay, smile, go through the motions, and silently suffer. I’m not near suicidal; I just would like the constant blows to stop long enough for me to recover - I feel very PTSD as a result of it all. My normally 1/2 full glass personality is starting to change to a glass 1/2 empty, and I feel angry, used, and belittled, especially when it comes to my folks.

I just want to be able to have one stable timeframe where there is not a crisis. [/quote]

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