Reply to Struggling with guilt over indifference towards my mother

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Demand that your mother seek medical treatment because it is killing your father. Caregivers in this type of situation often die first. If she won't listen (or if her illness is too far advanced  to reason with her) encourage your father to seek medical decision making authority for her because she's incompetent and get her treatment, hopefully with a stay in a facility, that will help your father get a break. [/quote]

I think this person is new to the aging parent rodeo with the whole "demand that your mother....". I may have said something similar a decade ago. Yes, caregivers absolutely do often die first. Does your dad want support dealing with her? If so they you can figure out options. If not, you cannot force him to do anything, but you could try "foot in door method" of getting him to agree to a week of aides/adult day center for her, etc. See if he will agree to bringing her for a lunch visit to a residential place just to check it out.

It's OK to feel indifferent. Just fake caring if you have to. Say supportive things to her, but keep your boundaries. I care about my mother's wellbeing, but she has become an even more abusive and paranoid nut with age and I am blocked from knowing her medical information ever since I described in detail concerning behavior to a doctor and had a recording. I have major boundaries to prevent abuse, but just send my well wishes and keep conversations short, superficial and sweet and get off quickly when the tsunami of crazy starts coming. I also make sure she has proper care.

Do you have a social worker involved who can assess need?[/quote]

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