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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I used to give mine things to do to engage everyone.  Legos, play dough, etc.[/quote]

OP, are kids just expected (by you or DH or grandparents or all of the above) to sit and face the camera the whole time and sit and listen when the adults talk? That's the problem, if that's what's happening. Get the kids to gather up some new drawing the oldest did at preschool to show the grandparents on the camera. A new toy, A play-doh figure they just made. Make it show and tell and don't expect the kids to sit if adults talk about other topics. "Sit still for the duration of this call" is just setting kids up to fail. Keep their hands occupied and explain (without the kids there) to the grandparents that if they, the grandparents, expect kids to sit still and converse, well, that's going to change.

The kids need to say hi, show off their "show and tell" item, and then [u]LEAVE the FaceTime while Dh talks to his parents[/u]. That ends the whole "they zone out then fight and it ticks off DH" stuff. Absolutely NO need for them to be required to sit there while the adults talk. Again-- that's setting them up to fail and act up, then it sets up the resulting yelling and discipline after the call!

Your DH needs to talk to his parents, preferably kindly and not angrily, about realistic expectations for young kids re: sitting still. If they complain about how the kids should be able to do this, then he needs to tell them you are all willing to try calls with the kids OCCUPIED during the call and interacting that way, but you won't make the kids sit still and listen just because grandma and grandpa think they should in this circumstance. Yes! Kids need to learn when to sit still etc. But these calls have become a regular and boring occurrance for them, so there is nothing wrong with having them color or do Legos during the time.

Also, work on the dynamic where there are fights and privileges taken away after these calls. That signals that maybe DH is too invested in the kids "behaving" and "being good" on the call. But DH is not seeing that this is asking something that's not yet age-appropriate for the kids. [/quote]

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