Reply to How to deal with mom's IL jealousy during birth of third child

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How to deal with mom's IL jealousy during birth of third child"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]Trying to figure out how to deal with my very reactive mom before I have my third kid.

For some context, today my mom got angry at me because last week DH, I, and our two children went on a four day trip with my in-laws and she hasn't gone on a similar trip with us. In response, I explained yet again that my in-laws paid for the trip and that if she wants to pay for a trip we will happily go with her (she vacations annually with my sister who was divorced for years and is now paying for my sister's second wedding. She has never offered to pay for any sort of family vacation and I've never asked for that since it would be super presumptuous and her financial situation is very opaque). She's afraid of being cut out of things and constantly feels that she's not invited to events when 99% of the time the events were never events. For instance, I baked a cake for my younger daughter's first birthday last year and DH, my older daughter, and I sang to her on her birthday. We did not have a party with anyone, but during our recent conversation my mom spoke about how she never attended my younger daughter's birthday. I explained yet again that there was no party, but it seems that whatever I say never registers. I get scared at having my mom come to larger family events because when my mom is around my in-laws she gets very upset if she perceives them to be getting more time with the kids or more attention or more anything.

I am having my third child in a few months and I fear that my mom will want to be there. I am not very close with her but she has a good relationship with my children and helps with childcare five or six times per year (for a weekend or for three or four days while I am traveling for work). We don't need her to help with childcare but it makes things a lot easier, which is why I entertain her childish behavior regarding my in-laws. That said, I really don't want to deal with it postpartum. She was absolutely insane after the birth of my first child. She went on and on about her traumatic experience giving birth to anyone who would listen and then had a fit when she learned my husband's mom got to hold the baby one morning when she wasn't there. She also said a number of rude things about me in front of my in-laws and I had to take her aside and beg her to stop because I had just given birth and it was really distressing to hear my own mother say mean things about me to my in-laws in front of me. My mom wasn't present for the birth of my second child during COVID but my husband texted her after the baby was born. There were complications immediately following the birth (the baby sucked down a lot of fluid, among other things) that were scary and it was pretty emotionally exhausting. My mom called me 90 minutes after the birth (at 11 pm) screaming that she was probably the last grandparent to know about it. It was one of the worst things that she's ever done to me. It really sent me into a depressive spiral for days because I was so sensitive and hormonal and also just scared for my baby. I really could not cope with being yelled at and guilt tripped by my mom when I did nothing wrong.

I don't want my mom near the hospital if she's in town for the birth of my third child and I don't want her staying with us. Normally she stays with us but I really can't take her energy postpartum. I'm thinking of telling her she can come but needs to get a hotel room, but am wondering if anyone has any other suggestions about how to approach this dumpster fire. TIA.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics